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Get up, brush the dirt off your shoulders and get back in the game.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Sabbatical

If you're reading this that means you really are interested in my posts because i'm not sharing this on twitter for people to read. A lot of things have happened in my life and i've lost a lot of things. Its not like i've gotten better things, it's just that things have taken a turn for the worse in all areas. Friends, family, my own health and trust in general. I used to have things to hold on to, La Familla for one but in the recent days i now know that me being the glue in it all, if i start to fall apart, who would help these buggers? Once i'm gone, we as a family will break up and i'm done with families splitting, from my friends to my own experience.

I don't know where i'm going or what i've done will be enough for this world. I don't know if i can tell my future kids about how their daddy was the strongest man and that he was immortal (some people will understand this) I don't know if i can be the parents i never had but i'm sure if i ever got the chance to be one, i'll do a lot better than they did. All these movies that depict a child growing up in hostile conditions or in poor conditions and then somehow in life they make it all seems like a fairy tale to me now. I'm tired of living like i was a legend and i'm tired of letting people down.

If there was anyone out there who knew me it was Leander Dias and he knows i've never given up, so i hope he doesn't read this. And for those that don't really know me, i'm not one to step down from a fight but the going got tough and until i see some reason to get up from this fight, i'm sure i'm going to stay down.

I dreamed of a day they all would call me a fighter. I dreamed of a day where i could stand tall and instead of looking down on others and making fun of them, i'd help them up. I had a dream where i was everything i wanted to be, but in the end folks, it is just a dream and dreams are meant for your sleep. I don't want this message to discourage you to give up. I'm not saying this is where you quit. I'm saying that if you want to be successful, you have to want it really badly, and not like hey i want to be successful, you have to want it and you have to earn it otherwise you'll lose everything. I tried to earn it readers, i really did try. I'm giving up because i never really wanted it that much. But hey, in my next post i'll tell you how i got up, granted i do get up... So as far as this goes, i'm sorry to everyone i hurt, i'm sorry mom and dad because i couldn't be what you wanted me to be. i'm sorry Adrian i could never touch the stars with you. I'm sorry La familla for not being there always. I'm sorry A for changing who i was. I'm sorry D for not being good enough.

Bye